By Beth A. McDaniel

 

In a syndicated ‘Ask Amy’ column, dated September 3, 2023, a reader shared her distress over her father-in laws informing her husband two years prior that he was being ‘disinherited’ in favor of his sister, who served as his full-time caregiver and needed his financial support. The reader expressed her difficulty in coming to terms with this decision and sought advice.

 

I have many thoughts surrounding the issue of inheritance. First, inheritance is a privilege, not a right. Everyone has the right to designate their estate beneficiaries and distribution as they see fit.

Here, the father-in-law proactively conveyed his wishes to his son. By doing so, he may have averted a future ‘will contest’ initiated by his son based upon his suspicion of undue influence brought on by his sister. Likewise, sharing this information with his son allows him to process the information and his emotions prior to his father’s passing, hopefully preventing any posthumous resentment towards his sister for blindsided him with the news.

It is not uncommon for a caregiver child to be ‘compensated’ following the parent’s death, especially as the funds may likely be tied up during the parent’s lifetime.

 

In my view, inheritance is a multifaced topic. At least one study shows that receiving an inheritance brings a surge of happiness, which is likely short-lived as at least one other study shows that few people retain any substantial portion of their inheritance one year later.

It is intriguing that the estates where the inheritance was unexpected (and the inheritor likely did not have a relationship with the relative who died) generate the most phone calls to our office with individuals impatiently inquiring about the timing of their inheritance. Perhaps this stems from the apprehension that an unexpected windfall could easily dissipate.

 

This year, we have encountered our first probate cases involving ‘inheritance advance loan companies’ in which an heir takes out a loan with a company, with ridiculous terms, in exchange for the company’s directly receiving a portion of the inheritance from the estate. If I were to ever represent such a beneficiary, I would encourage patience and not “spending” the inheritance before it is received.

In my perspective, inheritance is not just about money, it is often a final expression of love. While I can appreciate disinheritance due to estrangement, I often encourage estate planning clients to think twice about ‘disinheriting’ a child solely because another child or children ‘need it more’, as may unintentionally punish the disinherited child for being successful. As someone wiser than me pointed out, this action can have listing, multi-generational repercussions.

 

When it comes to more distant relatives, the children’s story of ‘The Little Red Hen’ often comes to my mind. In that story, the Little Red Hen repeatedly asks for help from her friends who provide excuses as to why they are too busy to help. In the end, the friends show up to reap the fruits of the Little Red Hen’s labor and the Little Red Hen turns them away. In short, I think it is entirely acceptable for someone like an aunt to allocate her estate to those nephews and nieces with whom she shares the closest bond, rather than distributing it equally among all nephews and nieces equally, regardless of the nature of their relationship.

Inheritance is undeniably intricate and warrants thoughtful consideration. On the recipient’s end, it’s wise to maintain modest expectations and keep any sense of entitlement in check.

 

For more information, or to schedule an appointment, please call 425-251-8880 or email info@bethmcdaniel.com

 

First Published: September 2023