Not long ago an obituary in the Seattle Times caught my eye:
Mary Wechsler, prominent Seattle attorney and former president of the King County Bar Association, died of Amytrophic Lateral Sclerlosis (Lou Gehrig’s Disease) on January 21, 2011 at the age of 63.”
Although I don’t recall meeting Ms. Wechsler, I did recognize the photo included with her obituary. Thus, I may have attended a meeting with her at some point or at least previously seen her photo in a local legal publication. Ms. Wechsler’s obituary goes on to state all of Ms. Wechsler’s professional accomplishments and recognitions received during her impressive career, some of which I have achieved, but on a more modest, smaller scale (for example, although I have never served as the president of the King County Bar Association, I am presently the chair of the King County Bar Association Guardianship and Elder Law Section). Thus, her death is a little close to home. If it isn’t enough to lose such a bright star too soon, the following paragraph of her obituary caught my attention:
Mary was diagnosed with Amytrophic Lateral Sclerlosis in late 2009 and retired her law practice in April 2010.”
Thus, Ms. Wechsler passed away just over a year after her diagnosis and a mere nine months after her retirement. Her death clearly came quick (perhaps she utilized Washington’s right to die laws, which is only speculation on my part and is clearly a topic for another blog).
It made me wonder, if I received a medical diagnosis which would ultimately be fatal, would I be ready to go? Spiritual issues aside, my mind immediately goes to all of the matters that I want to get in order prior to my death including, but not limited to the following: better organizing my financial records; updated guardian provisions for my children in my Will; adequate life insurance, especially now that I have incurred the additional liability of a commercial building for my law practice; fully funding the revocable living trust that my husband and I created in 2000; an ethical Will for the benefit of my children , my way of expressing to them my values and wishes for their lives; a letter written to my nominated guardians in which I would express the values and opportunities I want my children to have prior to their obtaining the age of 18; and putting in writing my periodic thoughts regarding how I would like to be memorialized upon my death.
Those issues aside, am I ready should I become disabled? In other words, do I have adequate disability insurance, long-term care insurance, powers of attorney, and a current health care directive? Honestly, I would have to say that presently I do not.
As the cliché goes, the cobbler’s children are [often] without shoes. In other words, believe it or not, it is possible for an estate planning attorney to have incomplete planning, clearly the case for me. It is all too easy to table such important matters as life gets in the way. Regardless; I want to be accountable to my family, clients, and friends.
Thus, please look for updates from me in future blogs as I move forward with putting these affairs in order. That way, if the unthinkable happens, I will have done everything possible to not unduly burden my family and will hopefully leave few, if any, loose ends. My hope is that you will be inspired to do the same in the process.
A few months ago my wonderful husband of 27 wonderful years was diagnosed with Dementia/Alz, my daughters thought it would be nice to tell his 3 daughters which has only contacted him about 5 times in 27 years, they hardly returned his calls and visited about 5 times so we told them what was going on with their father , a few days later his oldest daughter came for a short visit and said she would keep in touch, a week later his next to the oldest daughter came to visit and I thought it would be nice to let them spend time alone so i went to the store, while I was gone his daughter walked through my home taking photos of things which I didn’t know until a couple of days later when she called saying she was coming over and if it was ok to take her dad for a ride, I said yes, I thought it would be very nice, what I didn’t know was she took him to the telephone store and bought him a cell phone with just her and her sisters phone numbers listed , she took his original cell phone away from him. When they came back my husband went downstairs and brought 4 boxes upstairs and told his daughter to take them because he said i would steal this stuff , i was shocked but didn’t know how to react or say so i left her take the boxes. later that evening my husband was all upset because he couldn’t find these boxes, i told him he gave them to Dianne, he said I was lying that I stole them. i went into another room for him to cool off. Later that evening i heard him talking on the phone , he was saying ” I know she stole it, I know she is trying to put me away “etc. I knocked on his bedroom door and asked who he was talking to and he said no one get the —- away from my door. Things like this went on for a couple weeks, than one night after talking on the phone he got really nasty and I got afraid so I called the police, they came and a few minutes later Dianne pulled in and started saying “what is she doing to my dad now, i told her to call me I can calm him, she just wants to hurt him.” The police calmed her down and my husband was takent o the hospital , Dianne came to hospital and wanted to go back with my husband but they only let me go back and Dianne was upset, they told her to go to her car . We were at the hospital all night until 5:50ish am, got home around 6 am and no sooner home my door bell rings and its Dianne, I answered saying, please come back later, we are tired and need rest, she got really nasty pushed her way into my hall, i tried to stop her and ended up on the floor with many burises, somehow i got her out of the house but she started screeming your keeping my dad a prisoner, im calling the police, which she did during this time she was yelling to her dad to give her the garage door remote code, he ran to the garage and i went after him because the day before , i had arranged for a doctor to come to the house to evaluate him and I wanted to be sure he was home also i had no idea what happened the night before was going to happen. Police came and I explained everything and they asked Dianne to leave , she said no and after a bit she and her putting her fist to my face twice she left. Police filed report and they left. The very next day my husband was on the phone and after a bit he started yelling at me, I ignored it and I said for him to calm down, he showed the phone to me and i heard Dianne saying she was calling the police because I was picking on her dad. I also ignored her . she hung up and a few minutes later phone rang and voice said hello Carol, this is so so from Peters Twp. Police and guess who just phoned the police before I could answer he said Dianne, he said not to worry but when they get a call they have to follow up , I said no problem and we hung up.
For a while all was fine, husbands whole attitude changed not that he was better but it was an attitute I could live with anyway a couple days later his oldest daughter came to visit and everything is chaos again, I love my husband and I wanted to stay and take care of him but now he acts like I am a demon, he says i stole from him, he hides things from me and gives his daughter stuff, he wants nothing to do with me so It breaks my heart but I think its time to save my sanity and get a divorce . I don’t have POA or a Will made out so I have no legal ties to him and cannot make decisions and I am so tired of his daughters and what they are doing. Sorry to vent but as you can read I feel so guilty but i am fighting a loosing battle, they have turned him against me.
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